Fun for all

I am watching Baby Style or Baby Time or whatever it is called, on one of those lifestyle channels that just show brides, fat people, people who live in dirty houses, i didn't know i was pregnant. You know! Breastfeeding TV. And there's a woman giving birth, in hospital, all good, only she's brought her bloody two-year-old along to watch the show! Why on earth would she do that? Did she realistically think her toddler was going to be entertained by this spectactle for the next, i don't know, 6-12 hours (or six days if you do it my style)? In fact, why do people bring their kids to hospital at all? When i was in hospital (you know, twelve days...) and i had the misfortune of sharing a room with three other snoring preggos, people did not only bring their aunties, cousins and their wives in, but their bloody kids. How much fun is that? And why do people think it's okay to let their kids run around and sing and play? Especially when yours truly is lying behind her flimsy curtain throwing up and screaming in pain. You don't really need an auditory audience, even when it is during general visiting hours. I won't be going on that holiday again!!!

Halfway

Roll on July. It's the only thing that's keeping me going. I've had both the best week and worst week in a long time.
Best because we saw our baby-lubba, scratching its bum, looking might fine and perfect. The sonographer was great and kept referring to it as "the baby", not him or her.
I've had the worst week because my job is so so tough at times, and i have the staff from hell. I've been on a trip this week with 30 16-year-olds. No trouble, and i let them all out at lunctime to have lunch in Russell Square, but lots to organise and stressful all the same. They were amazing though. Going back, the tube was packed and the minute there was a seat they all shouted "miss, miss, there's a seat for you". Cutey pies.
Now i have two weeks off and will rest like i've never rested before. We're on the hunt for a pram at the moment. It's crazy, far too many to choose from and far too expensive. We've had a look at second hand ones as well but have already come across one scam, so a bit worried about that. My only requirement is that it's small and red. I really want a bugaboo but there is no way i'm spending 800 quid on a pram.
Last night i tried to go to the pub. I had denim skirt, flip flops and sunglasses, hurrah, but then i had some food which exhausted me, so i went home at 5. Besides, i was so annoyed with all the people putting cigarette smoke in my breathing space. Selfish! Why are people still allowed to smoke in beer gardens? Annoyance number 2 was all the children running around the garden. People laughed about my so-called maternal instincts kicking in, but i don't like children. Other people's children. I especially don't like children of yummy mummies who think it's ok for their brats to run around in a space designed for adults. Not okay!
No, it was much nicer to go home, watch tv and fall asleep.

18 and something

Oh, i haven't got time for this at all. I'm having a crazy time at work and it's so stressful. I sleep very badly at the moment anyway, but work is making it worse. This week i've argued with an exam board, had emergency meetings with my staff, analysed data, number crunched number crunched number crunched, dreamt about re-sits and exam entries and woken up at 5am to write to-do lists. Oh what a relaxing pregnancy i'm having... Is my baby going to come out all stressed and colicky?
I also had a meeting with my head teacher this week. He said i could think about coming back as a HoD or not. Haha, my job will be there waiting for me, but if i don't want it, there'll be something else. Have i decided already? Oh yes! Nevermind the issue that i'm a good boss, and don't work very well under someone else's leadership, but hey ho, i could have a life again. A life with my husband and baby.
This week i've also had my first coffee (de-caf of course) and sweet, sugary muffins. Here we go, i can feel the 100 kilos getting closer. I look about 6 months pregnant, but i can guarantee it's 90% food.
Yum!

Hot mama

I have found myself feeling superhappy about my body now that i'm pregnant. At last. I started off swollen and miserable, not fitting into my wedding dress at six weeks gestation, fat swollen face and misery. But now, i feel kind of hot, in a weird way. Sure, my stomach is expanded, but it's supposed to and i love it. The thing is though, that's it. My arms, my legs, my face feel slimmer than before and i feel great. My boobs look proper page 3, can i keep them forever? I don't know how much weight i have gained, but it doesn't feel like a lot.
I can probably thank some lucky star out there that i only crave fruit, vegetables, rice, milk and good, healthy, lovely, wholesome food. The thought of McDonald's, cakes, ice cream, chocolate, crisps, makes me turn to the nearest fruit stall and inhale a pound of fruit. Yum.
On Tuesday i made the mistake of inhaling (i kind of inhale food these days) approximately five chocolate biscuits. When i returned home i was violently sick and spent the next two days in bed. I shall not eat biscuits again until August 15th or roundabout that time.
Lucky me!

Cabana

Yesterday i ate at Cabana and it was wonderful. I had little cheese dough balls that i remember from Ulla and Luigi's wedding, i had sweet potato fries with chili mayo, fried chicken ball things with green salsa, mushroom and halloumi, chicken from a skewer. Delicious delicious delicious. I want to go back there again, every day, now, i need it now.
Food, glorious food, oh how i love thee.

Massive

There's obviously some sort of sports programme on in the background, but ignore that now and check out my massiveness.

14 +0

Queens

Check this out! You know that old thing that sometimes happened to women 50-100 years ago. Turns out it still happens in some places: Women dying whilst giving birth. And not just any old somewhere, but in MY hospital. Thanks!We'd already decided that this would be our hospital, it's around the corner, and its sister hospital is just as bad, woohoo. I've told Bill that if anything weird seems to be happening, have a private hospital ready on standby to take me away. I'll make sure I have £3000 tucked away just in case.
Childbirth is not scary at all, is it?

Night life

I get so jealous when I hear of all these people who feel just fine, better than ever in fact, who can eat sugar and chocolate and stay awake until 2100 hours. After this week, which began with me sticking my head in a toilet bowl, i am now beginning to feel a little bit better. I said a little bit. I can eat properly, but only food that is incredibly good for me. This is great, but once in a while it'd be nice to pig out on some pudding. I'm hoping that this will stop me from reaching whale-size proportions though. Ok, we'll see.
This week i got a letter from the hospital saying they forgot to test my blood levels last time i gave them blood, so now i've got to go back. Maybe i can finally get some iron and feel almost normal again. Come on!

Magic fourteen

Today is a special day: It's the 14th of February, which means it's exactly 6 months until baby's due date. Today I also begin week 14 and it's my husband's birthday and Valentine's Day (if you care about that, I don't). Fourteen indeed. I said to Bill that we have to name our child something beginning with the 14th letter of the alphabet. N. Nora, Nova, Noah, Noel. He thinks not. We can't talk about names. We'll be lucky if our child will end up with a name at all. In other news, I've been feeling rotten the last few days. Proper vomitting. I didn't know what I was talking about when I was talking about morning sickness. This is spewing galore and I've promised my husband (and myself) a birthday dinner tonight, complete with a shower, clean hair, proper clothes (not pyjamas) and maybe even make-up. Sigh! We might change it to lunch instead, as I can't eat after 5pm and to avoid the Valentiners Diners.

Early

5.30. I'm laying in bed listening out for the milk man so that I can get up and make porridge. Starving o'clock.

Sexy time

OMG, i dream about sex all the time. Ex-lovers, husband, anyone really. I dream about penises and orgasms so strong i actually think they happen in my sleep. It's the combo of oestrogen and progesterone apparently. I know from previous medications that oestrogen is like sex in a pill, and now it's flowing naturally i seem to have hit horny central. The only problem, i wake up and the feeling's gone. Okay!

Ett brev till mitt barn

Hej lilla fina finaste.
Jag vill att du alltid ska veta hur mycket vi har langtat efter dig och hur mycket vi saknade dig innan du fanns. Du ar en drom, ett mirakel, en langtan, och du ar antligen pa vag.
Din pappa och jag har lyckats tillverka 21 embryon. Det ar jattemanga. I borjan fick du dela plats med ett annat, men det andra ville inte stanna kvar. Nu ar jag glad att det ar bara ar du. Att de andra inte ville bli nagonting, for det var dig vi vantade pa och ville ha hela tiden. Vi har kannt dig och alskat dig sen du var 8 celler stor, och vi har undrat och fragat och gratit och varit radda att du inte ville stanna. Men det ska du. Du ar var speciella, finaste lilla lubba och dig ska vi alska i hela vart liv.

(Yes, i can still speak Swedish...)

Food

Disgusting right now:
Coffee, sugar, whipped cream, gooey chocolate, ginger, alcohol (not that I've had any), apple juice (yep, went off that one), whatever it is that stinks in our fridge.
Yummy right now:
Green grapes, cold apples, lime cordial, toast, cheese, cheese on toast, pasta with tomato sauce and lots of cheese, milk, rice, beef. Cheese.

12+3

News. Old news to me, today it is exactly 8 weeks since we found out and it's also the first morning in a long time that I've kept my breakfast down.
Preggo, preggers, up the duff, bun in the oven, expecting, in the family way.
Hurrah! If you want to catch up, follow the link.

Wriggles

On Wednesday the blood came. In hindsight, it was very very little, but it was red, the wrong colour, the bad colour.
There was panic in that blood. I shouldn't bleed, this shouldn't happen, so at 8pm we went to A&E and the early pregnancy unit (A&E is a weird sort of place by the way, will have to dissect that one at a later date). As we sat there waiting, for four hours, the bleeding almost stopped. No pain, I felt normal, things felt okay. But sitting there with women doubled over in pain and crying, I knew that I had to know. I couldn't go home.
At presicely midnight there was cold gel on my stomach and then an eternity passed before the nice doctor-man said: "It's a naughty baby already." And there it was, wriggling around like crazy so that the dr was struggling to get a clear picture, having a little dance and looking like a proper baby, not like the prawn we saw at 8 weeks. Then the man put the speakers on and we heard the loudest ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom. Loud and happy and naughty. I love you being loud and happy and naughty, little wriggles.
The blood? It happens apparently, but I hope it won't happen again because I never want to experience that fear and worry again.

Coming out of the pregnancy closet

This is a weird one. It is purely a private and personal decision when to tell people you are pregnant. Some people tell straight away, some wait till "the safe week" and some wait till they start showing (well, that would be around now then).
Twice, i've had people at work asking me if i'm pregnant. It's a bit like asking people if you're gay. What do you say? Are you gay? Yes, but i'm not ready to tell anyone yet, so please keep it to yourself (yeah right); That's a personal question, you shouldn't ask people that (which still means yes); or... Lie and say No which makes you feel sad and mean to your inner gay (or baby) because you're so happy that it's there and you don't want to deny its existence.
So people just shouldn't ask. Why do they? You wouldn't ask someone if they were gay unless you were a really close friend or their mother. In which case you would probably confess all, unless they already knew of course.
I told a friend (who knows) and she said it is kind of written all over my face. I look really tired apparently, but i might have been ill or something. But no, apparently this is something other women can just tell. A bit like having a gaydar.

Weird and wonderful

Things i didn't expect when pregnant:
Insomnia - waking up at 4am and not sleeping again until around 6. Great when you have to get up at 6.30
Loss of appetite - i was so looking forward to eating for two, but instead i eat less than the non-pregnant self but have still put on 3 kilos. How?
Constant sneezing and sniffling - don't know what this one is about at all. I don't have a cold, just sneeze a lot.
Spots on my back and chest - big sigh.

Pregnancy is all very weird. I kind of half expected to look like some glowing skinny bird with a cute little bump. Instead i look massively fat, i can't be bothered to shower, my face hasn't seen make up in about 6 weeks and sometimes i can't brush my teeth because, quite frankly, the tooth paste tastes too disgusting.
Weird weird weird!

Easier

I read an awful lot of preggo blogs now, and it's such a relief that we are almost through it. There's a long way to go, but i'm not worrying about, or dreaming about blood in the same way that i was early on. I'm no longer thinking secretly about adoption or worrying about not finding any eggs at egg collection. The hardest part is over.
I can see the second trimester, it's 5 days away, my belly has grown and hardened and since i've decided not to buy any clothes for me or for baby until i'm safely past the 12 week scan, i am just wearing dresses and tights, dresses and tights. And big cardigans and scarves that i hope covers it all.
I am still sickly and faint and tired and irritated and if i have any less than 9 hours sleep i can not function. But i am less worried. We saw the midwife on Tuesday and i passed with flying colours. Perfect blood pressure, nothing dodgy in the wee. She said i looked wonderfully glowy and beautiful and she didn't even have a go at me for being too fat. I walked away wondering if i am actually pregnant, maybe that's why everything was so god damn good. But no, bubba is there and i have the pictures to prove it.

10+5

Iron lady lunch. Yum. Vegetable stew and red red beef. I want more iron now...

Good night

If I sleep around 14 hours a night, I feel kind of okay when I wake up in the morning. This week I've been off sick because I just can't cope with not sleeping all day and not eating properly and sicking up and feeling utterly miserable and very sorry for myself. I go to bed at 7pm and sleep till about 9am. I worked out that to be able to go to work in the morning like normal, and get up at six, I would have to go to sleep at 4 in the afternoon.
I'm not even back from work then...